Mercury Retrograde Journal

Kabrea shares her thoughts as Mercury goes retrograde in the sign of Scorpio from Oct. 13 to Nov. 3, 2020. This piece may also feature the perspectives of several guest contributors.

October 13, 2020

Why is it JUST hitting me that I will remember these days for the rest of my life? These are the days I will tell my grandkids about. I’m living in historic times, so why do I feel like a historic failure?

I don’t always know how to move in this “new normal”, especially since my personal sense of normalcy has changed so much. I wasn’t one of the lucky ones who maintained and even increased their income during the pandemic. I’ve had to sacrifice quite a bit just to stay afloat. 7-8 months in and I’m still doing just that. If nothing else, this shake-up showed me that I can sustain myself off my independent business alone. I think this realization is what keeps me going.

Today was smooth like most days are when I let them be. I’m also realizing that much of my opposition is mental.

-Kabrea J.

October 14, 2020

If freedom of expression wasn’t golden, so many forces wouldn’t work to suppress it. These days, my art is the only constant thing I have. The ability to create is all I have to call my own forever. No one can take that from me.

Today a family member scolded me for not taking a more conventional path in life but nothing about me is conventional, never has been. I heard his harsh words but the power of my truth shielded me from the impact. I will always follow my heart and never force myself into a mold. God has too much purpose for my life. I need free expression to fulfill this purpose.

I understand that my ideas may seem “whimsical” from the outside looking in, but I believe in myself. I’m grateful to be in a place where I know that’s all that matters.

-Kabrea J.

October 16, 2020

Whew! The power of your words is really something else. I can’t believe this is a concept I’ve gotten away from.

The scolding I received from the previously mentioned family member lasted for days but ended on a high note this evening. Although I was reluctant at first, I spoke my truth to this person and it surprisingly led to a major breakthrough. The once hostile dynamic ended with an exchange of “I love you’s” and a new understanding between the two of us. I am relieved.

I defended my free expression and I came out on top. You damn right I’m feeling invincible and you damn right LOVE is the highest frequency.

-Kabrea J.

October 19, 2020

These days just zip by like it’s nothing. Today is Monday but if I blink my eyes, it will be Friday just like that. I’ve been spending a lot of time with the passage of time and what it means and more specifically, what it means to me.

Political conversations at work also make me wonder how much it is okay to agree to disagree? Is the passage of time the only thing that will dissolve these “disagreements”? It’s hard to say… most things we disagree on regard equality and basic human rights, so there’s no reason to disagree, right? Especially after all this time..

But why does it take the passage of time to realize denying others’ these rights is wrong? How long will the commitment to ignorance prevail? Is it even prevailing?

The retrograde and all these iffy Mars transits are a breeding ground for miscommunications and volatile exchanges. I’m keeping a cool head and taking it all in.

Recent Dream Symbols

BEARS- Luck in speculation

FEEDING- Prosperity

ANIMALS- Good omen pertaining to business. “Affairs will prosper.”

LION- Social distinction and business leadership.

APPROACHING ME- Curb a tendency to get involved in a family controversy. ” An auspicious time to mind your business.”

Interesting… I feel very disconnected from others today. Maybe this hermit energy is keeping me distant from something I don’t need to be apart of… at least not at this moment.

-Kabrea J.

October 21, 2020

My words and thoughts feel jumbled today. I speak and it feels… ineffective. Others are receptive to me but I can’t help but wonder how I’m truly being perceived, not that I would necessarily change my approach. I’m just wondering and probably wondering way more than I should.

Retrogrades signal times we should look inward. The answers are within and not necessarily with others. Externally, things are not always what they seem…

-Kabrea J.

October 25, 2020

Happy rising! The passed few days have been very eventful. So I slept for 12 hours straight last night. Seems like all my “retrograde ghosts” are hitting me up all at once while people I’ve found comfort in during modern times are slipping away. Maybe I have to deal with my ghosts before they will come back…

I sent an apology to a friend I fell out with around this time last year. Months passing and new perspective finally brought me to a place to offer an apology to this person. I had no desired outcome. I just wanted to get it off my heart. The person didn’t play a perfect role in the situation either but I can take accountability for personal actions and reactions.

Long story-short, I disregarded this friendship because they kept trying to tell me the truth about someone I thought cared about me. They were destroying my illusion so I destroyed our friendship.  I never want to be blinded by love again.

Several other people from my past have been coming to me and I’m doing my best to find peace in past issues that were once left unresolved. Many of these people deserted me the same way they’re finding me again… all at once. I just feel like whether you have your own things going on or not, the least you can give someone is an explanation. This is something I can and will work on myself. Especially after realizing how much it hurts.

A new week emerges and my thoughts are very jumbled. Luckily, Sundays are for self-restoration so I’m certain I can get back on track… whatever that means these days.

October 30, 2020

I am back but my mind is not quite settled. My attempt at “talking to my retrograde ghosts” felt liberating at first but the ego-based responses I received after speaking my truth are kind of hard to process.. It sucks and it is very confusing to have someone become completely unresponsive after speaking so openly to them. It makes me wonder if maybe my truth is wrong… I’m still working through this.

However, I do understand that how others perceive me shouldn’t be my concern, especially when I know my intentions are pure and they are. Also, it did feel good to get things I’ve suppressed for so long off of my chest, regardless of the outcome.

Mercury goes direct soon and I’m hoping to find resolve in these charged interactions at that time. There’s also something about tomorrow’s full moon… the first Halloween full moon since 1944…

-Kabrea J.

November 1, 2020

This was a Halloween weekend I won’t soon forget. The energy was heavy and inescapable. Everyone felt it. The moon seemed to have us in the palm of her hands. I couldn’t look away. I marveled at her beauty but also felt a great sense of anxiety… in a collective sense.

I will make a list here of modern happenings I have an uneasy feelings about.

-The partying I saw over the weekend and the worsening pandemic.

-The election and what follows…

-Racial tensions and the lingering possibility of a civil war in the very near future.

-My fate in love and beyond.

It sounds crazy but I feel a little relief after identifying the source of my anxieties. Mercury stations direct in two days.

I am hopeful for some resolve.

-Kabrea J.

November 4th, 2020

Last night was just as anxiety-ridden as I expected it to be. I stayed up late awaiting election results with a friend who was just as anxious as I was. We FaceTimed until 2am or so to avoid falling asleep and waking up to any surprises. After so long, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I woke up this morning to even more mystery. Biden has 238 electoral votes and the other guy has 213. Votes are still being counted. Anxiety is still high.

With us being so tapped into the collective energy, it’s hard to know where we stand in an individual sense. Mercury stationed direct yesterday and I can feel blocks being lifted. My communications are balancing back out and my thoughts are more clear. The charged interactions I had with people from my past, or my “retrograde ghosts”, definitely taught me how to better relate to the higher frequency people I’ve been able to manifest in my present life.I am grateful.

My professional life Is going exceptionally well but I have to really emphasize my emotional growth. I am now even more open to true, unconditional love and the effort, in terms of communication, that accompanies it. 

-Kabrea J.

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